Coming Home To Self-Review
“Welcome my Friend, I am Here To Support, Witness and Allow You To Express Yourself. I Will Never Judge You. I Accept You. I Am Your Best Friend”
“In Coming Home to Self” Personal Development Course, this was one of the first statements I read. It is one of the very many wonderful statements that I will carry with me and remember, from this Personal Development Course.
I had been feeling a little tired in my counselling work recently. I did not have the same zest, for work. I wanted to get a fresh outlook, and new perspective from the course. Did I get this? In volumes. I could write forever, about the nuggets of wisdom I received. It has given me a new found zest for my career. It has given me insight, that I had forgotten, or overlooked perhaps, which is so easy to do, when engaged in counselling work. I have read and reread the lessons, played the U Tube contributions and videos. The learning has been enjoyable, and challenging. It has taught me the need for self-compassion. It is in this learning, we also view others with compassion. Is this not what we all need? Our Clients especially.
I began my journaling, with the opening paragraph, which was the basis of all my learning. Louise L Hay pointed out so well “No one likes change only wet babies” The course is full of these little funny but true nuggets. Because, they are funny they are easily remembered. She also points out the importance of “Living Consciously” with focused direction. My focus had become a habit. The course taught me that habits can change. I knew my heart was not in my work, as it should be. Through Self – Acceptance, Compassion, and Self Esteem, I can be whoever I wish, or do whatever I wish. Self acceptance is the start of change.
It was important for me to take stock of my career. In my journaling, I focused on why I became a counsellor in the first instance, through many life experiences, I felt I had something to offer. These experiences, I felt, allowed me to feel empathy for others. But now I felt tired. Maybe I did not feel so empathic any longer? The author spoke about the bottle of Hope, and how she first came across it, in a cancer centre, where many were nearing the end of their lives. If these people could find hope as they neared the end of their lives. I could surely seek hope for my career. My clients deserved the best. Yet after fifteen years I felt trying to make ends meet, the focus was more on the business side, then why I began this career in the first place. In lesson 6 it stated “Effective Communication requires you to understand the emotion behind the information” this is the very basic concept of a therapists work. Again, I felt lacking in this. Maybe fifteen years of listening to other person issues were taking their toll. The words from the Invitation in lesson 4 “I want to know if you can sit with pain. Mine or your own. Without trying to hide fade, or fix it”. I found these words powerful. They were some of the most effective and thought provoking of the course
I needed to focus on this. Believe in myself. I am good at this. But I felt I had lost sight of the fact that I was good at my job. I needed to rebut my inner critic. The Journal became more positive. I needed self- compassion, self- love, self-acceptance and self-care. I needed to return to a strong sense of self, and the self-believe I always had. The biggest journey we ever undertake is from the head to the heart. I was very lucky, I had a wonderful loving childhood, wonderful loving parents, who instilled love, values, and confidence in my life.
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem brought this home to me.
- Choose Consciousness Rather Then Unconsciousness: I needed to go back to where I first started this work.
- Self- Acceptance Rather Then Self- Disowning: I am a human being.
- Self- Responsibility Rather Then Blaming: I may be tired due to lack of self-care?
- Self –Assertive Rather Then Self- Suppression: Admit to myself how I was feeling.
- Purposefulness Rather Then Drifting: What could I do about it?
- Integrity Rather Then Self Betrayal: To thine own self be true.
When our self-esteem is good, we turn to life rather than away from it. We are confident and secure in our lives. While also being congruent about our limitations. Poor self-esteem can see us avoiding life. Many clients present with issues of poor self-esteem. How can I encourage clients to learn Self-Compassion, and Self –Esteem? Self -compassion is all about caring for ourselves, imperfect as we are. It steps in when our self-esteem lets us down. For instance, when we make a mistake? To forgive ourselves, let go, move on with compassion in our hearts for ourselves.
In a line from lesson 5 “Blessings”
“May you touch and feel the comforting softness of pink hugs, and unconditional love” Is that not what each of us needs? This is why I became a counsellor, to offer unconditional positive regard to others. But now I knew the business of making a living had got in the way. In my journaling I realised that perhaps I was not taking sufficient care of myself. I used to walk every day, and go for a massage once a fortnight. Now I thought, I did not have the time. Self –care had gone out the window. I knew I had to make time.
For instance focusing on my response to stress, and stressful clients. Clients who are suicidal for instance? I realised, through the course I needed to become my own observer. Do I respond in an over excited way or an under excited way? Do I judge myself harshly? Looking back over stressful situations. Could I have handled things differently? The Healing Sounds Mediations by Dr Wagner were different. While I did try them, I do not think as such they were for me. But they did release stress. I particularly liked Debbie Spellman, on how to become your own best friend, which we all need to do, and the affirmations from “I Am Beautiful” go a long way to providing this. Turn up the volume on positivity. Go to meet yourself, you might like who you meet. I really liked the affirmation “I Can See the Beauty I am” “I like the Person I Am Becoming” I, including my clients are all spirits on a human journey.
The practical tasks of Journaling, Walking in Nature, Warm Baths, and Massages, all got my focus back on track.
Coming Home To Self Was Challenging Warm, Positive, Nourishing And Enjoyable. Both I And My Clients Have Benefited Greatly. It Will Be Returned To Time And Time Again.”
Noreen Murphy
