To say I am 50 is very hard to believe, how could I be 50 years on this earth already, half a century old, I find the digits hard to believe, if I was to say my age was 40 I more feel that. My inner age is 26 and it doesn’t change each year, so I will stick with that!!
My family had me turning 50, 2 years ago, the slagging and teasing about my age went on, and what to do for it. So it didn’t creep up on me. Everyone else was more enthused by it. I had no plans all year on what to do to mark it, and being one that doesn’t want a fuss on my behalf I was avoiding have a night. But with true family traditions they wanted an excuse to come to Galway so I gave in to a night, and had a night that reflected me so it was an Abba Tribute night, as I love their songs, and music and dance is something I love.
In my 20’s I would have being quite confident, and full of inner strength, and was very much a social butterfly. Over the course of my years, I retreated, got fearful in myself and the fun side of me dwindled away. But coming up to my birthday and a few years of Personal Development I felt I am going to go for it, be myself. The sequin outfit got, totally fitting for the night, sparkly for my birthday and coming up to Christmas, we danced the night away, sang or mimed more-so, and had fun with my close family and good friends. I was buzzing for a week after it.
Now the celebrations are over, I now have the realisations of what this means. I have the little family, good health, part time work, an exciting course of learning, I see all more clearly and what I want to do and try out. I do not want to look back at my life and have regrets not doing things and being myself. I have learned over the years my likes and dislikes. I want to sing again, in a group but my voice is still holding back, but I have deep down determination to overcome it. I want to raise my girls with the belief to be who they want to be, to know themselves, live their own lives, and face up to challenges, as some will come, and have an inner strength to get them through all events in life as best they can. As when I look back at myself growing up I feared what others thought, and what I know now, I wish I knew then, as I would not have held back as much maybe, or maybe not, this could be the time I’m working it out, and be able to guide my kids on their own thinking.
So getting to 50 has been a very fast road, but a lot of learnings along the way, good and some not so good, but still all life lessons, and hopefully I can pass on some wisdom. Also the last year or more I felt there is more, and I have always had the urge to help others some way. I don’t know where the path is going to take me, but by doing my course I feel it is leading me and guiding me to my inner longings and I am connecting to it. Going with the inner feeling within. So I embraced being 50, I cherish everyday in my life, I am truly blessed and the coming of 50 was deeply appreciated, enjoyed and I mark every birthday with gratitude.
